Use Etiquette When Choosing To Not Invite Children
As a couple, you may enjoy the company of children. Many of your friends may have kids and you want to include them in your wedding. On the other hand, others have decided to invite adults only to their reception. A few reasons to have an adult only reception could be to cut down on expenses. For instance, children may tend to take more food then they thought they could eat which would waste it or they may run around the reception hall unattended causing havoc. You may want a certain atmosphere at your reception of sophistication and relaxation.
If the bride and groom decide to specify no children on the invitations, there are some rules of etiquette that should be followed. Children may give the reception an atmosphere of fun and excitement. They tend to offer a family like feeling to the occasion. Maybe one day the bride and groom wish to have children of their own. Perhaps the couple has many friends that have children and want to invite the entire family. This day should be shared with all your close friends and relatives who include young children such as nephews and nieces. What better way to get used to having them around then by having them at the wedding and reception. Of course, if you have little ones as guests, you can also have them in your wedding party. We all know the flower girls and ring bearers make people smile. How adorable they are as they walk down the isle in their formal wear. So there are reasons to invite children.
On the other hand, the married couple may have decided not to have children any time soon. Some may want their wedding day to be relaxing without having the atmosphere of children running around constantly interrupting the festivities of the day. Friends and family members of the bride and groom may be parents that need a break. For instance, maybe your cousins have children and you know that this is the only time they will have in a while to have an evening to themselves. The atmosphere could be a romantic and quiet evening for them to enjoy as a couple. Give them a chance to relax while just enjoying the company of each other. The other issue may be money. The budget may not allow for children. The more people invited means more money for the couple.
Problems arise when an adult only reception is put on the invitation. Some parents could find this to be rude while others respect the decision. In fact, they may even blatantly ask you what that means and refuse to come because their children are not invited. To avoid hurt feelings there are several steps that the bride and groom can take when inviting ones with children. Etiquette would dictate that if you have decided to make the reception an adult only reception, keep it that way. Don’t invite some kids that you may favor over others. This will only cause hurt feelings among ones you want to share this special time with. Although it may seem unbalanced, proper etiquette dictates not having children in the wedding party as well. Again, parents are very proud of their children and may feel slighted if you don’t invite the entire family, including the children. Remember that no matter how you handle this situation, not everyone will be happy. You may have hurt feelings either way so you need to handle the situation with decorum.
2 Responses to “Use Etiquette When Choosing To Not Invite Children”
My best friend asked me to be in her wedding as a bridesmaid (no maid of honor in her bridesmaids) and did not tell me until almost 7 months later that she didn’t want me to bring my 3 year old and my 1 year old. The wedding is still 7 months away, but she is inviting family who are children, just not friends’ children.
I’m having an issue because I live 3 1/2 hours from her and have to stay for three days for the bachlorette party, rehearsal dinner, and wedding. My kids can’t go to any of it, I have nobody here that could watch them for three days (we just moved) and I’m nursing my youngest. My hubbie is furious that he will be stuck with them for so long, even though my mom is driving up 3 hours to watch them the day of the wedding. I’m hurt, too. There will be kids there, but she doesn’t want to pay for mine to come, even though I’m in the wedding party.
What should I do?
By Sherri on Apr 24, 2009
You have 7 months to find someone to watch your children since your husband feels “stuck” by doing it – which is sad IMO since he is THEIR father after all! Regardless of my reaction your husband feeling “stuck” with his own children . . . I’m sure the bride could provide you with the names of sitters in her area if you feel it necessary to bring them with you. You could also decline being in the wedding if it’s that big of imposition on you and your family and tell the bride the reasons behind your change of heart. Also as far as nursing, you can pump and your 1 year old will be fine – although still nursing a 12 month old leads to its own questions.
By Michelle on Apr 14, 2010